Models

What model should we be planning to use post-Brexit?

Should the UK be working towards the Norwegian model - join the EEA, stay inside the single market, but leave the customs union? Our own Mr Davis refuses to rule it out.

It would be complicated - we would have to have left the EU before joining the EEA. Our proposed membership would have to be agreed by 30 countries, and we would have to allow free movement of goods, services, capital and people. We would have to apply EU rules. We would have to pay the EU for membership. Essentially we would leave the EU, only to rejoin under less favourable terms for fewer benefits. It would be better for business and the UK than falling off the cliff edge, but Brextremists will hear the phrase 'free movement' and go all Bruce Banner on us. Better not.

What about Singapore - with low taxes and few regulations. Given the popularity of the NHS with the Brexit Brigade (whatever did happen to the promised £350m?) their private health system and private pensions, among many other touchy issues, would not play well. Better not.

Go it alone? The WTO model. Jump off the cliff edge into the open arms of...? Sadly initial comments from Mr Trump on sorting a trade deal pronto have proved as reliable as his comments on the direction his navy was headed. The most recent promise is that we will go to the back of the queue. Other important EU trading partners are equally discouraging. Our priority therefore will be to renegotiate a free trade deal with the EU. We already have one and the new one won't be as good, so this seems bizarre. Better not.

Switzerland? No EU, no EEA, with specific sector agreements. The EU isn't keen on this one any more, as they hate cherry-picking, but anyway the Swiss had to agree to free movement - Bruce Banner again. Ironically they also had a referendum which narrowly (50.3%) mandated the government to restrict free movement, but when the EU said that would nullify the agreements the Swiss government decided the economic damage would be too great. Good to see some politicians have their heads screwed on. Anyway, this model looks unattainable. Better not.

A custom union, like Turkey? No customs, no costly documentation. No customs solves the issue of the Irish border. We could negotiate our own free trade deals with countries the EU already has deals with - but only with those, and even then we wouldn't be guaranteed an equal deal, or even a deal at all. Oh dear, Bannered again. Better not.

Canada's CETA? Simply a trade deal, but good model for a trade deal - albeit still unratified. However it doesn't really deal with services which are our main export to the EU. Better not.

An Association Agreement? This looks pretty good - free movement of goods, services and capital, but not people. This is the model Ukraine, Georgia and Moldova all use. Imagine - with Mr Corbyn as PM we could form a new Soviet Union.

Unfortunately to achieve free movement we would need to keep all our current EU trade laws and enact any new ones they add. The EU will also require us to abide by decisions of the ECJ. 'Sovereignty', the Brextremists scream. Better not.

So none of the models will satisfy Brextremists. Anything we do will either ruin us or send them into a rage.

So what about saving a lot of time, a lot of hassle and a lot of money. Simply retain the UK model and ask voters what bits really need to be tweaked.

Odd how no-one has thought of that.